To paint a backdrop for why I am reading this – about 85 percent of my bodywork clients are female. I would say that more than half of these clients are experiencing menopause, all in various degrees, and all in different ways. Yet, some of their concerns are almost identical – troubled sleeping patterns, hot flushes, headaches, and drops in libido. Add to this sore joints, painful tummies, and a general ‘all-over-the-placeness’ and you quickly conjure a picture of what it might be like to go through this all-important phase of a woman’s life.

Yes, it’s a woman’s life. Not that of males who, by the way, are also not exempt from experiencing hormonal change around the mid-point of their life. However, a male’s journey toward seniority is and will never be the same as that of a woman’s, and any woman knows that. Yet, we males might be less aware of this. What men seem to know about menopause is just what we learn from our spouses and, likely, that probably accumulates to not much more than knowing that it’s something that requires pain killlers, rescue remedies, perhaps some occasional screaming, and considerable distance when moods flow unpredictably rampant.

From what I hear from my female and menopause-challenged clients, ‘their’ males seem to respond to menopause in various ways. On the one hand, there are those who simply distance themselves, both emotionally and physically. At the other end of that response spectrum are those who try to figure out what’s actually going on when their partner’s life becomes overtaken by menopause. Sadly, it seems that the majority of men are more likely to move to the former, leaving those who actually care most in the minority.

However, while males may have a few things to answer for when it comes their attitudes to menopause, women may not go shot-free either. As Dr. Gen Gunter testifies in her third book The Menopause Manifesto, many women seem to be still in the dark about that this life phase is all about. Other than what they learn from their gynecologists, doctors, and the much of the confusing stuff that’s published on the Internet, many aren’t all that clear on what they are actually experiencing.

Unfortunately, this vagueness became clear to me after working therapeutically with so many menopausal women over the years. As a male bodywork therapist who aims to help people overcome physical and emotional challenges, this presents a problem.

As menopause is not something I will ever experience I must take my diagnostic queues from the women who are. My learning of how to connect the real-life menopausal dots can only come from them. However, if they aren’t all that certain about how to link menopausal symptoms with likely causes, my learning becomes a little challenged.

A male’s understanding of the female body

Many of my clients know that since the moving-out of my son I now share my home with three females – my awesome wife, and two fantastic daughters who are both still under twenty-one. All three are articulate, outspoken, and generally quite transparent about their opinions and feelings. To both my son and myself this has brought rich perspectives to what it’s like to live a woman’s life. Over the years, conversations about periods, period products, contraception, sex, intimacy, and a growing and developing women’s body were held freely – and frequently – around the dining table.

All that women-only knowledge was much enriched by my wonderful teachers and instructors in Asia, many of whom were women themselves, none shy to talk about all aspects of the female body. While enrollment in breast and genital massage courses were always considered optional for males, doing so was still recommended as normal and completely acceptable steps on the pathway to becoming a bodywork therapist.

Although neither of these two types of massage will ever feature in my booking system being trained in them so ‘openly’ certainly complimented the types of bodywork I do offer. However, both seem to provide a spring board to understanding menopause from a therapeutic perspective. Understanding the structure and physiology of the female body, and specifically her breasts and reproductive system, formed a solid foundation for understanding why it all can change so dramatically during menopause. That understanding has proven to be an invaluable asset when working with women of all ages over they years.

Menopausal bodywork?

I bought the Menopause Manifesto for three reasons.

On the one hand I felt I had a responsibility toward my female clients to become more knowledgeable about menopause. That fascia can be affected by menopause seems to have become a well-accepted scientific fact. That hormonal changes alters a woman’s physique hasn’t been a mystery for decades. Yet, despite the hours of training during which menopause was discussed I still wasn’t sure how ‘it’ all happened. Closing this gap seemed important to me, especially considering the number of women I work with.

I also bought the book for a second reason, which was to answer if bodywork sessions be tailored to ease menopausal symptoms. Dr. Gunter’s book already provided ample inspiration for such possibilities. Furthermore, some initial, practical experimentation with equally-curious clients suggests potential. More about that to follow in a future journal.

Finally, I also wanted to read the book because I didn’t want to remain ignorant about menopause. I believed – and still believe – that we males can become better friends, partners, and fathers if only we learned more about what it’s like to live in a female physique. Pretending that we’re just all the same ignores the simple fact that none of us will ever experience period pains, giving birth, or – of course – menopause.

Being a therapist who’s trying to learn more about all this is one thing. Being first and foremost a male who aims to live in equality and respect with everyone else – male, female, or otherwise – is quite another. I can only achieve that if I might better understand the unique mysteries that are so intrinsically coupled to a woman’s life.

I am sensing that the more I can learn about menopause, the better I can become as a therapist and a man.

There will always be room for improvement in those spaces.

After publishing this journal I felt compelled to also express my gratitude to the women who already answered so many of my questions about periods and menopause. I am especially in debt with my wonderful wife and daughters who shared – and continue to educate and teach me about womanhood, feminism, and all that comes with it. In all this, you have been my greatest teachers.

As a male therapist I recognise that I am extraordinarily blessed with clients who respect my curiosity and thirst for learning about all-things-body. Each of our many conversations has been a gift. Thank you for the openness, transparency, and courage you’ve shown over the years to engage with the male-me on topics that are so intrinsically associated with the female body.